Thursday, October 28, 2010

Another day older and deeper in debt

Many people I have spoken to and even some family members all are pretty convinced that after a certain age you don’t celebrate birthdays. This consensus would probably halt the normal people in the world to just get over themselves and continue on with their lives. Ultimately, you are missing out on the most self serving holiday in America, “The Birthday.” I grew up believing October 25th was the most magical day of the year, (and it was) because you have a team of people who make it their sole occupation to make your day completely conform to the things that make you happy and alive.

Initially, when I was a kid the mentality was very much, “all about the stuff!” Anymore, though, it has become, “all about the meaning.” Do I love stuff? Yes, absolutely I love stuff. I am an American and can find things on infomercials and gadget stores that I would use for all about 3 weeks. I have a phone that can do everything a computer can do, an iPod touch and other contraptions. I enjoy toys and devices as much as I did when I was an adolescent. Now though in my mid 20’s I would find far more joy in something that was made for me than something that was bought. In the midst of adulthood you find yourself caught up in the chaos of “life.” Bills, long hours, homework and socializing become your routine and define who you are as a person. It’s simple for my life to be completely positive and yet be going nowhere at the same time. Is my goal to be alive? Or are my goals to achieve smaller goals to work up to bigger ones? I’m certain there is beauty in the craftsmanship that is required to establish an individual and these moments of monotony are the glory that we are seeking but do not recognize. I also think that vitality is created in those silly moments like October 25th when I can, for no reason other than that date, plan a completely random trip to the west. Or I can ask my friends to oblige me in a celebratory happy hour to sit around and expect nothing but pleasant company and reminiscences of years past. Without these moments of simplistic self serving joy we are just spinning our wheels. If we have not the moments to reflect, what are we moving for?

This being said I have to confess that I have been concerned with my lifestyle. It appears completely self serving and I think that might be part of the issue as to why I have become so concerned with how I can justify writing a blog in the first place. There really is a limited time on this earth and no matter what you believe in spiritually. There is not some sort of Hocus Pocus that will allow me to revisit October 28, 2010 and fulfill any sort of civic responsibility to the poor or less fortunate. There will be no day in heaven where I can go back to volunteer at a nursing home and their certainly will not be a moment of clarity where I realize that 50 years before I died I could have donated my services to any sort of organization. The country is incredibly void of reality where the rich don’t comprehend what the less fortunate are going through and I can not possibly convey any sort of anthem for change or think I’m any better than those who are not offering their services if I’m just passing time until I retire and wait for death. This is a dangerous thing I’m doing by divulging my shame but I hope that I can find what I’m looking for by exposing the paralysis in my soul. I will have to change my perspective that I’m not losing time, but rather gaining a glimpse into the kingdom of heaven.

“So much has been given to me; I have not time to ponder over that which has been denied.”- Helen Keller-

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